I sit here on the eve of the eve before 2013 begins. Perhaps its because I’m recliner-ridden nursing myself from the depths of the plague (okay, maybe the flu, but feels like a serious dose of something black & evil-filled), my brain has been fuzzy all day & filled with memories of what the year has brought & taught me. The major & minor events that have shaped what 2012 was for me.
I believe every year of your life has a “theme”, some overriding lesson that God has been trying to teach you the whole year through. For me, 2012 was centered around the death of my Grandma back in March. The months before she passed were days of knowing & waiting for the end that we knew was imminent & the treasuring of the time we had left to spend with her. I’ve got mountain tops full of memories of my Grandma, but some of the most treasured ones are the conversations I had with her in the weeks leading up to her death; when she too, had realized her time was ending & she’d be called home soon. To personally witness the final moments between my grandparents before she passed, will be memories I will always hold in my heart. I’ve never been taught bigger lessons on love than watching my Papa hold the hand of my Grandma-kiss her cheek, his bride of almost 60 years, as she was welcomed into Jesus’ arms. And the days since her death have been all about…healing.
Death brings change…healing brings change.
2012 has been the year of change.
Change is difficult, letting the past go & moving forward can be difficult & scary. But its also necessary to move higher, to step into a new level, to end one chapter & begin another. Change can seem negative at first, but sometimes you’ve got to deal with the negative to get where you’re meant to end up.
I started a new job this year, a job that I adore & am gaining valuable experience for whatever paths God leads me down. I moved into an old Colonial farmhouse, a house that-years & years ago, I once told my sister in law, “I would love to live there.” (who knew???). And a new addition came into my life in the form of a one-eyed rescue Australian Cattle dog I’ve named Waylon. A dog that has been instrumental in my healing as much as I’ve been in his (probably more so considering dogs are much more resilient than humans!). This has been the hardest year for me, in my personal life, when I’ve made decisions to not be a victim of my past anymore & move on. I’ve let go of things that have weighed me down for years & made conscious efforts to rise above & not slip into old habits. I’ve seen an past relationship begin the process of healing & although, I don’t know yet where it’ll end up…the healing has at least begun.
Above all, I’ve seen God’s hand of grace, patience, & guidance work in my life in ways that I’ve been blinded to before. I’ve grown in my walk with the Lord & although we piss each other off everyday & I fail him daily…I recognize that his love is unwavering & he is guiding me (even when it seems like the deserts have no end!).
This has been the year of prayers answered, even when they weren’t answered in the way I had hoped, they were answered nevertheless, always with my best interest as God’s #1 priority.
This is the first time, in a long time, that I’m on the fence about saying “Goodbye” to a past year. Its been a tough year, one of (if not thee) toughest I’ve gone through, that a part of me wants to hold onto it just a second longer. I’m excited about the possibilities that 2013 bring, but also nervous too. But I’m finding that I’m reminding myself that change is good…change is needed…change will get you from where you were to where you need to be, so I will step into 2013 ready for whatever the year brings.
Prayers to all for a 2013 that gets you where you need to be!!!