*humbling myself before you people by revealing the utmost*
I don’t embarrass easily. When you’re as clumsy as I am & often find yourself in intimate positions with the floor, you tend to have a tough skin
(trying to take a short-cut by jumping a fence to get to the bar; early 20’s, working at Cedar Point, only to have your belt catch on the top of the fence as you’re swinging your leg over. Instead of your jeans gracefully ripping thus allowing you to fall to the ground, they decide to hold together & your body just hangs on the fence. Naturally it would be a time when a group of police officer’s were standing in the parking lot & notice this, therefore, never letting you live it down since you knew 3 out of the 4 in the group. Praise the Lord it was in my skinnier days & when my pants finally did rip & I was standing there mostly bare-assed it was a little less embarrassing. Of course the girlfriends I were with decided it was more beneficial to point & laugh then help me out).
Most situation’s I can shrug off; considering I have little to zero mouth-filter (pretty much if I’m thinking it, I’m saying it) this can result in being completely inappropriate at times
(attending a fellow co-worker’s mother’s funeral & when asked by your boss how the day went, replying, “We were so dead today, it was pathetic”, while standing in front of casket…smooth!).
Every job I’ve ever worked I’ve left a trail of embarrassing stories (“I’ve got the cat-bags!” *memory for Heidi H.*) & my current job is no exception. While I will refrain from ratting out a co-worker who told one of the most hilarious embarrassing stories I’ve ever heard (tears it was so funny! & kudos to his wife who actually decided to marry this man despite this incident. Oh’ the things you learn while clearing away branches!), I figured its been a rough week for many of us & we all could use a little humor to make tomorrow better!
I’ve got two all-time embarrassing moments in my book of life. Some have heard these stories before (and no doubt rolled their eyes & thought, “you’re such an idiot). So please laugh at my expense, I’m sure each of you have a closet full of your own embarrassing moments.
1.- I was registering for my final quarter of college. Normally you have to register with your department head when you’re in the homestretch for graduation, however, she was busy & I was on a time crunch. She asked if I wanted to register with the academic advisor for the law department instead (I was in the veterinary program), of course I said “Yes”…everybody in the school knew who this young stud was; recently hired & not a whole lot older than we were, and did I mention, Super H.O.T! So we’re in his office & after registering for classes we were just sitting there talking, he handed me my registration papers & I tapped them on the desk to straighten. At that moment one slipped out of the pile, fell to the floor & when I bent down to pick it up….totally farted, really loud! Wanted to die! I was hoping he would think it was the chair (even though I was sitting in a cushioned, wing-back), but I’m pretty sure he knew the truth. The only thought I can clearly remember thinking at that time was, “please don’t smell”….terrible, terrible memory. I wanted to run out of the room in utter-shame, however, my pride wouldn’t allow it & I simply stood up, shook his hand (and I swear he was trying not to laugh) & walked out of the office. Bet your ass I avoided him the rest of the year & I don’t even want to know how many times that story got re-told to his buddies out at the bar. When I stormed into my department head’s office & told her my story, expecting sympathy (and I, naturally, blamed her for this gas-ident) I was received with violent, uncontrollable laughter. Thanks for all the support..appreciate it!
2.-The second all-time embarrassing story (don’t ask me to pick which is the top, both are up there) happened, coincidentally, around the same time as the “farting-hot guy” incident. At that time, I had been dealing with cysts on my ovaries, so I became a frequent visitor at the gynecologists while we went through the procedures to reduce & eliminate the cysts. At one of the appointments I was having an internal ultrasound done, the camera they use looks like a vibrator & is (obviously) inserted the same way one of those would be (I’m sure ya’ll can figure out the logistics on your own). So I’m laying on the table, spread-eagle in the stirrups, & my doctor asks if I mind if her intern does the procedure. As any girl knows, you don’t have much dignity when your at the gyno so I said I didn’t care. A second later this young doctor comes in, male & good-looking (do you notice that most embarrassing stories happen around those of the opposite sex?) & around my age. I instantly knew this was going to be bad. He introduced himself & then proceeded to stand next to my doctor, between my legs. She’s explaining my case to him & explaining the equipment & the whole time I’m thinking, “oh my gosh, I want out of here.” Now I should warn you, when I’m uncomfortable, I’m in an awkward situation, when I’m nervous…my natural instinct is to try to lighten the mood by being funny. I could tell he was nervous, I was embarrassed & my doctor was oblivious to all of this…so after he lubed up the camera & asked if I was “ready”, what I should’ve done was say yes (and in my head it was telling me to shut-up & stick with that), however, what came out of my mouth was, “well, most guys buy me a drink first.”….silence, silence, silence…I instantly felt my face turn bright red & could feel it travel down the length of my body. Between my legs I can see my doctor looking at me over the top of her glasses & in a very authoritative voice goes, “really, Carey?”…silence, silence, silence. His face was red, mine was red, & my brain was saying, “you’re such an idiot. Why do you even talk?”
So there ya have it!!! My most embarrassing stories! That’s the great thing about being human, being alive, & having funny stories; laughter is one of the best things about life & proves that nobody is immune to being an idiot once in awhile. Don’t take life to serious & laugh it up whenever you can!