One of my part-time jobs (yes, I work a couple!) is working at a horse rescue. Even though my employment “status” falls under the veterinary department, as anybody involved in rescue work knows; you usually end up wearing a multitude of hats. More often than not I’ve found myself doing less vaccine administration & more stall-mucking (fortunately a part of me loves that hard-labor work). Within the last few months, the founder asked if I’d be interested in learning how the adoption-process works; going through the application & interviewing process, matching up potentials with the right “fit”, home visits & conducting background & financial checks on potentials. At first I was hesitant…this is supposed to be my “fun” job, even though I’d still be working directly with the horses & getting my hands dirty, a few hours of office work would now be added to my plate. Blah! But since my ultimate life-goal is to run my own animal rescue/adoption group one day (my big God-dream) with little thought I seized the opportunity knowing this is something I need to learn & will only benefit me in the long run.
For several weeks I’d been working with this girl (she’s given me permission to blog her story), around my age, divorced, no kids…a horse girl at heart. For several years of her marriage she had lived in the city & had gotten away from her country roots. Upon her divorce, she moved out to the country, got a dog, & was now looking to add a horse to her little family. Several emails back & forth, a few meet & greets and (finally) we found a Quarter Horse mare that was a nice fit for her (and on a personal level, this was a horse that was dear to my heart & I was waiting until just the right person came along!) I was stoked, she was stoked & in my heart I felt good. Everything seemed to be falling into place. Because of the cost to do background & financial checks, we don’t do them until the very last step (otherwise we’d be doing them on everybody & that cost adds up fast!) when we know this is a serious potential & that’s the last hurdle to overcome. This girl did not pass the financial check. I was heartbroken (literally, I cried) I felt so BAD for her knowing how much she needed this specific horse for her own healing from a painful divorce. I fought & fought on her behalf to our head Adoption Coordinator & in the end she told me,”Carey, its our policy. It’s not meant to be for either of them. This position requires you to be a voice for the voiceless.” I rolled my eyes at her (stupidest thing I’d ever heard!) & said, “F**k the policy” & walked out of the office (classy!) to call this girl with the news that it wasn’t going to happen this time. She was upset, but said,”I can’t blame anyone but myself. My finances are not in order & I’m going to have to learn that nobody is going to change that but me.”
I thought about these words on my drive home (and it’s a long drive!)
I really respect that answer. So often people blame others for their mistakes (myself included). When I’ve failed at something, I do find myself blaming this reason or that & more often than not, its because I wasn’t prepared. When my bank account is wavering on the verge of non-existent, I can look down & see the new shoes I bought because I “had to” have them in that moment. When I step on the scale & realize how much weight I’ve gained I blame my past, how I was raised, my genes…everything but the boxes of Girl Scout cookies I inhaled for every meal for 2 weeks straight. This is an area I struggle with, its hard to look in the mirror & take responsibility for your actions…all of them!
You’re in the situation you’re in because of decisions that (A) you’ve either made or (B) your response to situation’s you had no control over.
Every single decision that you will ever make has either a good consequence or a bad consequence….but take ownership of it, either way.
I wish I could tell you exactly how to do this, I don’t know. It’s something that I will have to work through, as well. Over the last few years, there’s been things brought up in my personal life that I’ve had to deal with & I’ve learned how its affected behavior that I didn’t even realize it affected. The point is, I can’t use it as an excuse anymore…taking ownership.
Today, was a good lesson.